My sister and my best friend have recently both been diligently working at potty training their little loves. Having been through this already, twice, I have some words of advice. Take it or leave it...that's what everyone says when people are throwing all of these words of wisdom at you while you're raising your sweet little angels, right? Without further ado, my potty training experience with Kai.
With Kai being my first I wanted him to do everything perfect, and I wanted to follow the book completely. Literally if there was a book written about "What to Expect" or how to make my child the "Happiest on the Block" I had read it. I was like a round, fact-spewing, about to pop mama. Many of the things I literally followed the books precisely on. I went with the Baby Wise sleep method book, and it worked great for us. I knew exactly what milestones he should be reaching each month, and I was secretly so excited when he would reach a 6 month milestone at 4 months. He was my baby, so he had to be a genius, right? I'm glad you agree. Anytime he didn't hit the mile marker I knew it had to be the Tamez genes that were floating around in him...I kid. He was never on a paci, he was crawling right on schedule, he was off bottles before his first birthday, and he took his first steps on the same day that he turned one. Our future looked bright.
Then he turned two....and he was still in diapers. As a matter of fact he had no intentions of potty training. This was traumatic for me...he was falling behind on where he was "supposed" to be. I tried everything, and many times I was so frustrated, why couldn't he just get it?!?! Finally I gave up, I was certain that because he wasn't potty training at 2 years and 3 months that there was no way he'd ever get an academic scholarship to a prestigious university. I really wasn't that concerned, truth be told, I just hoped that he would get it before he started Pre-K. As we got closer to 3, I was certain however, that I would definitely be stopping by his classroom and having to change his diaper before lunch. He just wasn't having any part of this using the potty thing.
Finally about a month before turning 3 he decided he'd start wearing big boy underwear. We made a big deal about picking out a really cool pair, and that batman didn't want him tee-teeing on him, so we had to use the potty. I also started letting him tee-tee off the porch when he needed to go. He really picked up on it this time, it was like we just woke up one morning, and bam he was potty trained...except for number two. This is where we had the biggest problem. He rarely had a tee-tee accident...but he was going to poop his pants every.single.time. Then one day I stumbled upon an approach that I'm positive no one has ever used. I will never forget the moment that I figured out the magic key to really potty training a toddler. Let me set the tone....
We were in Galveston for our yearly beach vacation, and he wanted to go outside and play. So, we were siting on the porch under the beach house just playing around when he said "Mom, let's kill zombies". So, we played around a little bit pretending there were zombies around every corner, sort of like a modern day cowboys and indians. Yes, our world is twisted. After playing this game for 10-15 minutes he asks me what a zombie looked like, so I happily googled "zombie" and showed him a clipart "friendly" zombie image. I had no idea what was going to happen next, but it worked out well for us in the end. He took his little finger and swiped it across the screen so that he could see the next image....the most grotesque, horrifying, straight off The Walking Dead set zombie appeared before his eyes. He immediately looked at me and said, "Let's go inside."Now most parents would have been worried that there kid was traumatized by seeing this image. They would have let their child sleep with them for the next week just in case he had a zombie nightmare. I on the other hand immediately recognized that I could use this to my advantage.
So, now for the first time, I'd like to introduce you to the Zombie Potty Training Approach. It basically goes like this....
Take child to the restroom.
Tell said child to poop in the potty and not in his underwear.
Threaten to call the zombies if he poops in his underwear and not in the toilet.
Boom. Just like that we were totally accident free. Just think of it like most parents use Santa around Christmas time..."Billy, if you don't mind, I'm going to call Santa"...
This is just in a more sadistic/traumatic manner..."Kai, if you poop in your underwear again I'm going to call the zombies".
I will admit that this is not the most common, nor will it ever be the most popular method of potty training. I will however stand behind it and say it gets the job done. If you are at your wits end with cleaning poo out of underwear, I can promise that a couple calls to the zombies will fix the issue every time.
You're welcome in advance.
Disclaimer- I do promise that my son is not traumatized (I don't think), and there is no reason to report me to Child Protective Services.
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